A lifelong journey of prayer and action. (part 1)
July 24, 2010
Just over a week ago my friend posed me a question:
In your partnership with God, how has the balance of your role/God’s role and prayer/action changed over the years?
This is the kind of question that would keep me talking late into the night. As soon as I read it, I knew I wanted to spend time considering it, dwelling on it, sifting and weighing it. As I did just that, I came to see that the answer to this question could easily be seen as the story of my life and ministry. I guess that is why I was asked to supply my answer.
However, I’m not sure I can articulate a coherent answer because this is my life we are talking about. I’ve been busy living it, not recording it. I can only answer it from the perspective I have today. Indeed, it may be that in actual fact, my role and Gods role have not changed at all, only my perspective and understanding has changed.
I’d love to know how others would answer this too. So, I’ll post my story over the next few days and would love it if you would comment and share your journey, thoughts, and questions.
I will start with a memory I have of writing my part of the final assessment at the end of the two years training I received prior to being commissioned into full time Christian ministry. I expressed a desire to be so close to the Father that I would know just how to respond to every person and situation… just like Jesus did. I just knew that effective ministry needed to be based on finding quiet place to be alone with God and attempting to do what I saw my Father doing.
So, what happened to that fine ideal when I tried to put it into practice? Well, first there was the battle of the urgent stealing my attention away from the important. Next there were the administrative demands… if I would only prioritise, I was repeatedly told, I could get all the necessary paperwork and organizational tasks done without any problems. I’m afraid that didn’t work for me; any time I set out priorities, prayer would come first, people second, and administration at the bottom of the list. The first decade or more of ministry carried with it the weight of many things simply not getting done. Ministry is never finished, there is always more to do. This is one reason why God invented Sabbath: a day of the week where his people stop, regardless of whether they are finished or not. I couldn’t seem to work that in, even though I really did try.
The expectation of others is a big factor as this creates the environment in which we operate. Many colleagues worked long hours and expected me to do the same. Many thought prayer was “all very well, but when are you going to do something?” The congregations I served had expectations as to my availability, visibility and work rate. As I saw many colleagues burn out and leave ministry, I resolved that I would work and pray in a way and for as much time as would make me the best pastor I could be. If that meant one day I was available and visible for fourteen hours, working for only five hours and praying for three the next day, and then taking a day off the next, then so be it. Well, that was my theory.
Prayer in those days seemed to be about bringing the day job, ministry, the needs of the church and the mission of the church before God. Any bible reading tended to descend into gleaning for sermons.
In this environment I would try to make sense of Jesus’ words “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I mean, that is ridiculous, isn’t it? Do you see any pastors taking it easy? Since when was ministry a light burden? I wanted to believe those words. I did believe those words, in theory. I just had very little experience of them in practice. Visiting people, preparing for meetings, leading worship. preaching, setting up outreach programmes, fretting about finance and administration… it was hard work at times.
Have you had visions of how you think things should be, or dreams birthed by scripture or the stories of others, that just don’t seem to be borne out in real life?
More of my story soon…
